January Crawling

January is... what January is. 

Cold.

Unrelenting cold that crawls
deep inside natures sterile
fragile frozen skin.
My mind becomes numb,
having to deal with it,
prepare for it,
live with it. 

Anxiety is real!
Needing to be somewhere,
 questioning your automobiles desire
to spark against the death grip of frost.
Oh you are pretty sure it will start.
But the anticipation of turning the key looms in the back of your mind.

January is such a solitary month.
Gone is the merriment,
 The colors of December.
It's the beginning of a new year,
a blank slate,
 a new start.
But the deep never ending cold
crawls into your being,
your mind,
your psyche.
 It can sometimes overwhelm
your tired and frozen soul,
 optimism is hard to find
in the frigid days of January.

Granted I may be
overreacting to the season.
I may be looking too deeply into the negative effects of this month.
Exploring the cold,
cruel darkness
 that seems to crawl
into your head
as only January can.

But remember this...
there is always a January thaw!!

Keep warm!!

Who We Are...

"Who we are and what we do are sometimes two different things."

I don't remember  exactly when I  came up with this analogy, but it pretty much sums up my life in a nutshell. It may have been years ago when my young son once asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up.  It was maybe in that moment that I realized how little my life showed who I really was... and how my dreams of being an artist had fallen by the roadside. I remember being told that I was an artist when I was in kindergarten and I've held this belief ever since. You can't just let your five year old self's dreams die!!

So I decided that I needed to do something..anything to keep my hopes alive!

After seeing a copy of "The Polar Express " by Chris Van Allsburg at a local bookstore... I was instantly inspired!! These were not silly little cartoon elves and reindeer, these were realistic images, images from life in a children's story. I had never really paid much attention to children's picture books before, I mean I had seen them of course, but I never really looked into the depth of what they had to offer. What I found amazed me!!It was then that I looked into what I had been writing and found a story that seemed to be perfect!

"I Hear the Wind " became my obsession, my grand experiment, my introduction into the world of creating a children's picture book. I had been writing short stories and descriptive essays for a number of years, So the idea of putting my words and pictures together seemed like a natural!

I filled notebooks and sketch pads, I wrote and rewrote the text to fit the picture book format.
I was immersed in a creative frenzy... and I loved it! I was involved in the process of creating and doing something that was truly important to me.  Who I was and what I was doing were finally coming together.

So even though I was still working a full time  job that was totally unrelated to the arts, I felt like I was going in the right direction. Over the next several years, I was able to have three books published and did several mural projects and had a couple book signings. I even attended a couple library conferences as a regional writer and illustrator. It seemed like momentum was going my way. But I still wasn't able to support my family financially with my creative talents.

After several years of fairly good success, the momentum slowly died. I soon found myself without a studio when my daughter's took over the upstairs bedroom where my little studio space was, they apparently didn't want me up there...teenage girls and dad's don't mix well I guess. So with all my "stuff" crammed into boxes and scattered around the house, I basically just gave up.  I  seemed to no longer feel that what I was doing was all that important anymore.  The person who I was... suddenly didn't matter anymore.

So instead of getting all pathetic about everything, I suppose I should have just bucked it up and moved on, which in a way I sort of did.  I moved on, I kept busy doing other things.

So again the years passed.  Occasionally people would ask if I was still painting or writing books, and I would answer rather vaguely that I was busy doing other things. Again, who I was and what I did became two different things. But then the more I thought about it...the more I realized that maybe I was more than just a writer and an artist. I had other interests that I was passionate about as well. Gardening in the summer and then canning pickles and salsa. Fishing whenever I'm able to get out on the water. My passion for sausage making gets to the point of obsession at times! Potato sausage, smoked Polish kielbasa, German bratwurst, breakfast and Italian sausage.... every time pork shoulder roasts go on sale...I'm there!! I ventured into beer making and have thoughts of making my own mead (honey wine). Granted I've never really had what one could call "a career", but then it's quite rare when someone actually ends up "livin' the dream".

We are all different people with different talents and abilities. Who we are and what we do can be two different things, just as long as we strive to keep our dreams alive and work to make our lives better.  I hope this doesn't come off sounding like some sort of cheap motivational speaker monologue, though in a way it does... but just as long as the main message gets through. Who we are and what we do can and maybe should be two different things.

Take care...

The Nicest of Rejections!!

"I grew up long ago, though I remember it still,
my days beneath the blue prairie sky."

I wrote this story as a rather personal and reflective piece about growing up on the prairies of western Minnesota.  This story was inspired by me trying to find a sense of place in my life. I think a person can feel a certain spiritual connection to a region or place where they were raised.

The only problem was that a story like this has a rather limited audience.  I realized that your typical publishing house probably wouldn't even consider looking at it... not enough cute puppies and such.  But I continued working on it, mostly for personal reasons I suppose.  But then I discovered the Minnesota Historical Society Press and thought that maybe they might be a good fit for this book.

This publisher focuses on regional topics and stories and have been publishing printed material for years. They are a part of the Minnesota Historical Society and are funded by the state of Minnesota, so they really aren't what you would consider a traditional publishing house, but I felt pretty confident that they would at least give my idea a chance to fly!

So I checked out their submission guidelines, always a smart move, and proceeded to put together a good proposal package for them.  I focused on getting a solid manuscript and some illustration samples ready for submission.  Being able to submit online was wonderful!! Finally... I reached the point where I could confidently push "send "!!

And so then you wait...

It was a somewhat anxious yet exciting time of waiting.  I did in fact feel pretty confident that they might go for the idea! But then the email of reckoning finally arrived...

Greg...

Thank you for your patience as you've awaited a reply from me regarding your lyrical ode to the landscape of your youth.  I've enjoyed reading Prairie Sky, and I shared it with my colleagues as well.  However, I'm sorry to tell you that after careful consideration we have decided against pursuing your project for publication.

Our decision is based less on your work  - a beautifully written narrative, with evocative language that brings immediately to mind the prairie in all its glory - than in the realities of our publishing program.  We publish just two children's titles per year, and we are already booked through 2021! We receive many, many fine stories from talented regional writers and illustrators, and we wish we could accept more of them, but our limited list means we must be painfully judicious in our decisions.

Your pitch is detailed and quite appealing, your considerations of how different readers will respond to the text and how it will be useful in the classroom are strong selling points. I expect another publisher will be able to say "yes " without hesitation  - and I look forward to seeing Prairie Sky on bookstore shelves before to long.

Thank you for thinking of MNHS Press. I wish you all the best with this and other projects you have underway.

Warmly
Shannon

And so...there it was, the response I was waiting for. Well... maybe not the response I wanted,  but it was a response just the same. I got rejected!! But I still felt like in a way I got accepted. I guess one could relate this to the old break up cliche "Oh it's not you, it's me!" That seems like the less painful way of ending a relationship, but I do feel that they were being fairly honest in their rejection. I should have gotten back to them and said, "I can definitely wait until 2021 if you'd like to publish it then!" This was back in 2017, but I could have used that time to create illustrations of masterpiece quality!! But I didn't, and the book has sat on the drawing board since.

Also since that time my studio became my "home for the summer from college" daughters bedroom again. She hasn't used it for awhile, but getting it back in order has been a neglected project... my bad. But that letter did give me the confidence that this was worthy project to keep developing. And so developing I will do!! Thank you Shannon at Minnesota Historical Society Press for giving me the boot!!!

"It seems the wind blew forever, like the breath of the earth,
across the fields of soft grasses and grains,"

"At the End of the Day " The forgotten book

I had such high hopes for this book!! It was written in a very simple and melodic manner that would appeal to a wide range of listeners and readers. I focused on creating vivid and deeply colored illustrations that captured the light and shadows of that magical time before sunset at the end of a perfect summer's day.

"I listen to the silence at the end of the day. The sounds of the world have all scattered away and soon darkness will set as the lone robin sings, he sings at the end of the day. "

A nice start I thought. The publisher liked the idea as well. He had mentioned that since I had done an autumn based book "I Hear the Wind " and a winter story, "Still ",  he thought a summer book would be in order...maybe even a spring book as well!!

Well... you know I jumped all over that idea!! "I've got just what you're looking for mister publisher man!!" I exclaimed!! Well I never really actually said it... but I knew what story I needed to bring forward. I was excited to get started and looked forward to working with a new editor.  My hopes were high! Well that soon

went sour.  My first editor was Mr.Craig Thorn. Craig unfortunately passed away from cancer months before my first book was released. Craig made me a writer.  He took my text and made it better without taking away my voice. He understood what I was trying to say in this story and helped me take it to a higher level. This did not happen with "At the End of the Day

To say that the editor I was given for this book "just didn't get it " would be an understatement.  I wrote this story in a certain format where key phrases would be repeated within each sentence. It was a deliberate effort to create a rhythm, a cadence... but she just didn't understand.  I became frustrated with the whole process. Eventually after awhile she gave up trying to convince me to change the entire feel of the book and just responded to my defiant emails with the response of... "Fine!!" I guess I had won a futile battle, but ended up feeling I had lost the war.

And so that is the sad story of this poor little book.  What started with such excitement and anticipation ended with me feeling rather frustrated and lost.  My benevolent publisher Mr. Ernest Peter passed away not long after the book was released. He was my champion. Soon Stemmer House Publishing decided to stop publishing new books.  "At the End of the Day " never received any glowing reviews and was never really promoted. It pretty much died a lonely death.  I personally gave up. I felt a bit exhausted...I needed to regroup.  So that seems to be what I have been doing for the last couple years, trying to get back the excitement and passion I once had. I also became lazy in a way.  But now I need to crawl back into the process of getting busy again.  I need to feel excited about writing again.  I need to get back to where I once was. 

"Still (A Winter's Journey)" Book Number Two

Not long after my first book, "I Hear the Wind" was published, I started working on my second book for Stemmer House entitled "Still (A Winter's Journey)". This book again started life as a piece of prose, a reflective look at a perfect snowy day.
Released in September of 2009, this book was actually published in hardcover, much to my delight! My first book was released in softcover...which really left me feeling quite disappointed.  Softcover can be the kiss of death for newly released children's picture books. 

The use of the word "still " was important to the structure and rhythm of the text to this story.  "Still the snow fell all around me, soft and without a sound. It sifted through the thin fingered branches of the dark winter trees." I imagined walking through a dreamlike landscape, an atmosphere of hazy light and snow. This story was indeed a journey. A journey from the safety of your own backyard and out into a familiar world made new under the cover of the never ending snow.

Here are some very nice reviews! Click on the link to read.

Book Journey...

Reading Minnesota...

Through the Looking Glass Reviews...

Minnesota Prairie Roots...

"I Hear the Wind " My first book

Back in December of 2006, my first book,"I Hear the Wind " was released by Stemmer House Publishing. It was edited by Mr. Craig Thorn. It was Craig, editor in chief  at Stemmer House, who first read my query letter that I had anxiously mailed to them. But I think more than anything...it was the illustration samples I sent with that caught his eye.

The inspiration for this book was the work of author and Illustrator Chris Van Allsburg. I was fascinated by how he could create books for children that could be appreciated by adults as well.

And so I began the process of getting this piece of prose I had written into picture book form.  I needed to divide the story into the standard 32 page format and create illustrations for each page that not just represented but also attempted to enlighten the words on the page.

Some illustrations came easy, some were a little more work. Once I had the book in a somewhat uniform and cohesive form, I then began to read and reread the book over and over again. I'm sure my own kids grew a little tired of hearing "daddy's book" again. Looking over every detail to make the words and pictures work as one.
There is a huge amount of time, talent, patience and energy needed to get a book from idea to submission ready...and then you need to find a publisher. I was extremely lucky to have landed with Stemmer House. Granted they were a small publisher, but at least they took a chance on releasing a book by an unknown author. "I Hear the Wind" didn't win any major literary awards, but it did garner some nice reviews...

Midwest Book Reviews said...
Written and illustrated by Greg Budig, I Hear the Wind is a beautiful black-and-white softcover picture book about the voice of the night wind, sometimes gentle, sometimes fierce, as heard by a young child. Each two-page spread features one or two sentences on the left, and a compelling gray scale scene of the nighttime world on the right. A recurring motif of leaves drifting in the wind complements this simple story, ideal for reading aloud before bedtime. "And I wonder if anyone else is awake and can they hear the wind just like me? Do they sit by their winter tight windows and wait for the wind dancing leaves?" Highly recommended.

Arm Chair Interviews... 

Looking Glass Reviews...

So the book was not without a certain amount of praise. I only wish it could have reached a larger audience....but such is the way of the world.

2020 - A New Beginning

So here we are.  A new year...a new decade.  What changes will be made this year? What part of your life will you try to reclaim? I for one am at a crossroads of sorts.  Same crossroad I've been stuck at for the past few years.


I once had high hopes of becoming an established writer and illustrator.  I did have a certain amount of success, having three children's books published by a small east coast publisher, but that was then and this is now.

That publisher has since gone under and stopped selling or producing my work. I feel that part of my life has also disappeared as well.

So now is the time for new beginnings.  Maybe it's time to get back to something that has been a part of me for years.
Maybe it's time to start again.

Getting back into this blog thing is maybe a start.  I'm actually composing this from my new smart phone...talk about finally getting with it!! I 'm damn near a millennial!!
"Ok Boomer!!"

So here we are. Making all those resolutions.  It's feeling like the end, the end of December. And the new year, is almost here. Here's to the new decade, here's to new beginnings.

Cheers!!